The Surest Way.

I feel completely alone.

I wonder sometimes, if It’s just me that feels this way.

Is there anyone else out there floating like I am?

Here I am, thirty-three years old, with no partner, no kids, and what feels like no compass. That for the past five years I have had no idea what my purpose on this planet is. I don’t know what I’m living for, but I also don’t want to die.

Perpetual limbo.

At times I try. At times I feel like I’m making progress. Waking up from the dream. Fresh and ready to make some changes. Then a day or two passes and I am back to square one.

I spend my nights steeped in mediocrity. Watching movies, drinking, the occasional bath to make myself feel like I’m relaxing. Mostly, I go out by myself, not brave enough to ask my friends with kids or spouses to join me. Why would they want to spend time with me when they have their families? I see all my past partners moving on. Dating Men that seem more in every way. All of the ways, it seems, I was not.

I’m trapped in a prison of comparison, sitting here holding the key. Knowing full well I could unlock the cell if I wanted to.

But, do I want to?

Do I want to step outside into a world of pain again? What If I fall in love, again, and it doesn’t work…